The Matchmaker
by SunshineandDaisys
Summary: Oneshot: Yugi's having girl problems and Joey decides to offer his expertise. Set the oven for 375 and bake until the stupidity turns golden brown.


**Disclaimer** Oh yes, I own the characters. (nod) And if you believe that, I also own a mansion by the sea and a couple of very expensive cars. (blinks)

**A/N **Oh lookie, it's another one-shot. XD And it's a i Yu-Gi-Oh/i one! I bet this idea has been used, but honestly, what hasn't? I just thought it would be cute to do and hopefully it turns out well. ;) I swear, I'll write a complete original one day...

* * *

_The Matchmaker_

_By: Sunshineanddaisys_

* * *

Joey strolled casually down the sidewalk with a school bag slung over his shoulder and a carefree look on his face. It had been a good day at school; he hadn't got detention, and no one had beaned him with a basketball during P.E. As far as Joey was concerned, today had been perfect.

Well, until Yugi had run off after school with a look of sheer and utter terror on his face. But all that meant was that Téa had probably asked him to ask her out... again.

Joey smiled mischievously as he finally made it to his destination: The Game Shop. He walked inside to find the store front empty, which was quite unusual. Yugi's grandpa never left the counter unguarded.

'Hmm,' he thought. 'Perhaps they're in the back?'

Tossing his bag carelessly to the side of the room, he began wandering into the house beyond.

"Hello?" he called. "Anybody in--AAAH!"

Yugi's grandpa choose that exact moment to tap Joey on the back.

"Do you know where Yugi is?" the older man asked.

"No..." Joey said slowly as he recovered from his near cardiac arrest. "I was gonna ask you the same question!"

"Well then, will you help me find him?"

"No problem."

The two parted ways; Yugi's grandpa went to check the school grounds and the park while Joey searched the house.

"Come on, Yug!" Joey called. "I know you're in here somewhere!"

Joey had looked in Yugi's room, in the bathroom, in the living room, in all the closets, and even in Solomon's room, but there was no sign of the boy anywhere. The only place he hadn't checked was the kitchen. But where on earth do you hide in a kitchen!

"Look, Yugi," Joey began as he searched through cabinets. "I know Téa was buggin' ya' earlier about doin' something tonight with her, but you don't have to go crazy and hide."

He looked in the pantry.

"I mean, it's not like she bites or anything. She wouldn't be askin' you out if she didn't like you, man."

Joey closed the pantry and spotted the fridge. With a smirk, he opened the door and pulled out a soda. He took a sip and put it back before continuing his search.

"I'm tellin' you, Yug, you gotta stop hiding from her!"

Suddenly, there was a bump from the other side of the room. Joey turned around slowly.

"I heard somethin'.." he whispered. "Yug, is that you?"

Joey walked carefully over to the only object on that side of the room: the oven.

"Man, if you're in this thing, you're crazier than I thought.."

He took a deep breath before yanking open the door. Yugi jumped visibly inside the oven and screamed. Joey jumped backwards into the kitchen area and screamed. Both suddenly stopped and stared at each other.

"What the hell, Yugi!"

"How did you find me in here!" Yugi asked incredulously.

"I heard a bump!" Joey said with a look of amazement on his face. "How did you get in that thing anyway?"

"I squished?"

Joey shook his head lightly.

"You are one crazy little guy, you know that?"

Yugi glared at him.

"I'm not coming out, Joey," he snapped. "Because I am not going anywhere with Téa, and that's final!"

Joey narrowed his eyes, and before Yugi knew it, he was being yanked out of the oven to lay sprawled on the floor.

"Just for being a moron, I'm makin' you go out with Téa tonight." Joey announced. "But you'll probably need something better to wear than your school uniform. It's got some crusty stuff on it now…"

"I'm not going!" Yugi said stubbornly as he stood up and attempted to pick off the 'crusty stuff'.

But Joey ignored this comment and rubbed his hands together evilly.

"Okay, Yugi, let's go raid your closet."

Before further protests could be made, Joey had already dragged Yugi upstairs and was now throwing random articles of clothing at him.

"How bout' this one?" he asked, holding up a flannel blue shirt with a high collar and buttons all the way down the front.

"It's kind of boring, "Yugi muttered sulkily."And I'm not going, so why are we even--"

"Okay, how's this?" Joey held up a bright yellow shirt with a dragon decal on it.

"It looks like Kaiba went gay," Yugi said without blinking.

Joey looked at the shirt in his hands with new disgust before dropping it and wiping his hands vigorously on his pants.

"Okay," he began. "Then what about this?" He pulled out a short-sleeved black shirt that had a low neckline. "It's okay," Yugi shrugged. "I've worn it occasionally."

"Then it's decided," Joey said as he nonchalantly kicked the yellow shirt under Yugi's bed and tossed the black shirt next to his victim. "You put on that and some pants, and I'll call Téa for you."

The half-dead looking Yugi leapt to his feet instantly.

"No way, Joey!"

Joey just smirked and shut the door behind him.

* * *

_Thirty Minutes Later... _

* * *

"Okay, Yug," Joey said as he paced in front of the couch said boy was sitting on. "She'll be here within the next ten minutes, so I'd better start telling you the basics."

"Like you've ever been on a date?" Yugi asked dryly.

"I've been on lots!" Joey exclaimed. "So listen up."

"Oh boy," Yugi sighed, propping his head lazily on his hand.

"First thing you gotta know that girls like mushy crap. If you go see a movie, you can't go see a bunch of cars blow up. You have to go watch Richard Gere get happy with Julia Roberts, okay?"

Yugi looked disgusted.

"And if you go out to eat, make sure some candles are involved. No burger shop or nothin'."

"Were you serious about the movie--"

"Second of all, you gotta tell her she's pretty. Girls like that. Just don't tell her you like her chest or then you'll just get slapped."

"Look, Joey, I think I can handle--"

"But the most important rule is to never go 'back to her place'. That never ends well. Cause, it's one thing to watch Richard Gere do it but.. well..."

"Joey, I get your point. And Téa's not like that anyway..."

"Yeah..."

The both looked at each other uncomfortably before the doorbell rang and they could sigh in relief. Well, that was until Yugi realized it was probably Téa. Then he did his best impersonation of a deer in headlights.

"Go on, Yugi!" Joey said quickly. "Go answer the door!"

"But...!"

Joey narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't make me tell her you were hiding in an oven.."

"Okay, okay!" Yugi sighed as he stood and swallowed nervously.

Joey grinned and slid into the hallway. He could hear the door opening..

"Hi, Yugi!" He heard Téa's voice. "You look good tonight!"

"Err, you too.."

"Thanks! So where are we going?"

"No movies!" Yugi said quickly.

"Okay... How about dinner?"

"Sounds good."

"Yeah... great..."

The door shut, and Joey smiled mischievously to himself. He was just about to congratulate himself when he felt someone tap his shoulder.

"AHHH!"

"You scream like a girl, Joey," Solomon said with a dry look.

"Where did you come from!" the teen asked as he remembered to breathe.

"I saw Téa at the front door, so I came in the back. I figured she and Yugi must be going somewhere. Anyway, I bought pie while I was out. Want some?"

Joey nodded and walked into the kitchen with the old man.

"So, Joey, where was Yugi anyway?"

Joey laughed nervously.

"You don't wanna know.."

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_fin_

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**End A/N **Like! Hope so! XD XD Twas fun to write. Review? 


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